I spend a lot of time, perhaps too much time, trying to think of ways to line my pockets. And by that I mean get paid for doing next to nothing.
Because that's everyone's dream, is it not?
I recently had to come up with a grand. I won't get into details but let's just say I enjoy having both my legs and needed the money to keep them intact. While I probably should have went to the casino, my first instinct was, "Hey, sperm bank."
See, this is what makes this country so amazing. Here, they are willing to pay me for something I do roughly six times a day anyway for free. Unfortunately, unlike the fantasy that's played out in my mind a million times, there's no hot nurse looking to "assist" in obtaining my sample. No closed-circuit cameras fixed on exotic Asian "gentleman clubs." Just a fifty-something dude in a shirt and Dockers who hands me some vials.
I expect to have that thousand bucks by tomorrow.
Oh, and if I don't return calls, I died of carpal tunnel.